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THE DAILY LASH

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Ronaldo and his junk in his trunk

Brazilian footballer Ronaldo revealed on his Twitter feed that he is undergoing a DNA test to determine whether he is the father of a five-year-old boy living in Singapore.

Apparently, the child’s mother, Michele Umezu, has been trying since 2009 to have Ronaldo own up. She says they met at a party in Tokyo in 2002 celebrating Brazil’s World Cup win, and got preggars when they met up again in 2004 where Ronaldo returned to Tokyo during a tour of Real Madrid, who he was playing for at the time.

According to Melbourne-based Damien Foster who coaches elite sportsmen in “life skills” – He believes for every elite footballer, there are 50 girls who would have sex with him within two hours of meeting. And that in the world of professional football, the No. 1 tribal position will usually fall to the man with the most raw sporting talent. And following close behind will be the men who can pull any girl they want.

Apart from the fact that when you google “Ronaldo”, Cristiano’s face shows up 95% of the time, or that Ronaldo’s football career has been awfully quiet, who would’ve thought though, that a Brazilian has-been footballer would make front page headlines all the way in Singapore for letting his junk out of the trunk in Tokyo.

– MIZ

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